How to Get Your Blender to Clean Itself and Reduce Your Risk of Dying an Agonizing Death

Hey Dad,

Blending four of the following five ingredients will produce a wonderful morning protein shake:

  • 1 banana
  • 1 cup milk
  • ½ cup plain yogurt
  • Trace amounts of listeria monocytogenes
  • 1 scoop whey protein powder

Don't laugh. If you don't properly clean your blender then there's a good chance your morning shake will include all five.

One of the cutest parts of your marriage, Dad, is that even after 38 years you still do little things for mom, just to be nice. She appreciates it.

Yes, this is a picture of my parents

I know she really loves that you make her a protein shake each morning before she leaves for work. I also know that it's a minor headache for you to clean the dang thing. Washing each of the blades individually is a tedious process. Disassembling the blade assembly to scrub each part by hand seems unnecessarily involved when you could simply pour some water in and slosh it around a bit.

Unfortunately, that technique is insufficient. If not properly cleansed, food particulate will nest in crevices and joints where bacteria will reproduce and fester until it's mixed in with the next day's shake.

Fortunately, with a drop of dish soap, a few cups of hot water, and your blender's "Easy Clean" function, you can ensure that every shake will be free of mom-killing bacteria.

Just as you added milk and protein powder, now add hot water and soap. As suggested by the blender, use the lowest setting to blend the soapy water. A higher setting will probably work satisfactorily, but will produce excessive suds which will reduce efficacy and create a bit of a soapy mess. After, rinse with hot water and place in the dish rack to dry.

Following these simple steps will significantly reduce the chance that mom will die a slow, painful, horrific death from clostridial myonecrosis, typhoid fever, or listeriosis. And for that and many other things, I thank you.

Your loving son,


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